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3.02 NAME CALLING, HOW TO RESPOND -- SELF-HELP TACTICS FOR COPING WITH VERBAL ABUSE

== #2. How to cope with name calling.

Insist that this stop before you go on; remind the abuser that you have not called him/her names.

Name calling is particularly vicious as it becomes code for a negative criticism by the other person. These names are often hard to forget even decades later, like kids whose fathers called them 'stupid' when they were young.

The other person will generally say that you are taking this name calling too seriously, that you are making it too important or that you should just ignore it as the person does not really mean it. As in the previous example of belittling, I suggest you ignore all of this and say something simple and emphatic such as, "I hear what you are saying but I still don't like it, so don't do it." This is a clear unambiguous, mildly assertive statement of how you feel and what you want. In addition it states that you did listen to what the other person said. Say this in a stern voice so that your meaning cannot be misunderstood.

If the other person continues to call you names, remind the person that you "meant what you said." If the name calling still continues, suggest that you both see a counselor.

See these related ideas: dismissive,respect, devalue, self-esteem

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