COPING, DEALING WITH THE ABUSER
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2.01 VERBAL ABUSE SELF-HELP: COPING, DEALING WITH THE ABUSER

== It is very hard to play fair with a person who is not playing fair -- and yet that really is the only choice.

If you want to break the cycle of abuse, you must both keep your cool and keep the other person from being abusive. In the process you will be showing the other person that he/she is abusive and also how to have a discussion that is not abusive. It's a tall order and one that can leave you feeling tired, drained and not wanting to be always the rational one. But it is for your good and that of your family or your relationship.

== Does it help to talk about abuse directly? To tell the other person that he/she is being abusive?

Initially I do not think it helps. It may even be counterproductive as the other person may become defensive. The best way to tackle abuse is one baby step at a time. To learn to have a reasonable argument that accomplishes something is the beginning of establishing a new pattern in your life. And being able to have a reasonable discussion is much more valuable than talking about being reasonable or being abusive.

== Do you get to raise your voice?

Yes, in a word. If he/she keeps shouting at you and will not quiet down, then after a while, you can raise your voice if only to get his/her attention and signal that you are not going to be intimidated. Once you have his/her attention, lower your voice to a reasonable level IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise you will end up in a shouting match. You need to assert that you will stand your ground while at the same time let him/her know you are willing to listen, to be flexible and to compromise. Definitely a tall order but, what the hell, it builds character :).

LINKS FOR DEALING WITH ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND RELATIONSHIPS

From Psychological Self-Help - An Excellent Resource On The Web

=== Marital conflict and problems
=== Coping with the “intimate enemy”
=== Trying to get our way accepted
=== Finding more productive ways to resolve anger
=== Psychological abuse in close relationships
=== Physical abuse of spouses, children
=== How do people start getting physical?
=== Statistics about abuse in the family
=== How common is wife sexaul abuse?
=== Abuse within the family
=== Why do women stay in abusive relationships?
=== Can abusive people change?
=== The long-term effects of abuse
=== Resources about domestic violence
=== Child abuse
=== The consequences of child abuse or overly severe punishment
=== How a parent can contorl himself/herself while punishing your child
=== Dealing with problem children
=== Anger is often goes both ways
=== Parent-teen conflicts

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Verbal Abuse
Self-Help & Recovery


Table Of Contents
Keeping A Notebook
Getting Started
Family History & Love
Your Identity
Dealing With Abusers
Coping, Countering
Belittling
Name Calling
Yelling
Interruptions
Not Listening
Repetitions
Anger
Distractions
Compromising
Empathy
Feelings
Selfishness
Criticism
Self-Help Resources
More Self-Help Resources

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