Prev | Next | Contents

5.1 MORE - EIGHT RED FLAGS FOR NEW RELATIONSHIPS AND POSSIBLE DATE ABUSE

#5. Is Your Other A Good Listener Or Do You Do Most Of The Listening?

Do you find that you listen most of the time but when you start to talk, your other stops listening, changes the subject, turns on the TV or decides to go out? Listening is critical not just for sharing past experiences, but for resolving problems later on. If your other cannot listen, you will not get a good hearing when you try to work on your disagreements as your relationship develops.

#6. Who Does Most Of The Work In The Relationship?

Do you feel a bit tired after being with your other? Are you doing most of the emotional or physical work? Are you supposed to remember the details for an outing? Are you supposed to buy most of the things for a get-together? Are you expected to keep track of the time, so that you get to places on schedule? If these chores are not equal, there is a problem, which will only get worse.

#7. Is The Other Demanding Or Impatient?

Does your other insist that you meet the other's demands? Is the other impatient, wanting immediate compliance? When you have a need or demand, do you get the same consideration, that your other gets? Impatience and difficult demands are red flags that a relationship may be headed in the wrong direction.

#8. Does The Other Take Responsibility?

People who avoid taking responsibility are going to be hard to deal with. When your other makes a mistake, notice whether he/she acknowledges his/her error and then whether he/she suggests a way to avoid doing the same thing again. If there is no admission, press a bit and ask. Avoidance is a red flag.

NOTE: Keep these red flags in mind as your relationship progresses even years later. Because to make things even more complicated, abusive behavior often does not show up for a long time. Sometimes it only reveals itself after marriage. And the pattern can be quite gradual so that it can go unnoticed. With passive-aggressive abuse, the path may be so subtle you may not be aware of how you ended up being controlled.

See Rick Doble's Personal Story About His 1st Marriage

Prev | Next | Contents