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2.1 WE ARE ALL GUILTY OF ABUSE -- NO ONE IS CLEAN

All of us are guilty of abuse! No one is totally clean. All of us have said things we wish we had not said, called people names, belittled or become unreasonably angry. Most of us have 'buttered someone up' before asking him/her a favor. So each of us that wants to stop the cycle of abuse can look within ourselves for the same behavior that we see in others, the abusers who are trying to control us with their abusiveness.

Yet true abusiveness is a pattern of behavior that is aimed at maintaining or gaining control for a long period of time. It is not one angry statement but a long term effort that attempts to capture us within. When they can succeed in framing us in this way, there is no way out because they have determined the ground rules -- we have accepted their definition of who we are.

One way to frame us within their 'glass cage' is to get us to buy into their expectations. If we try to live up to their expectations as they have defined them, we have already lost the battle. What we do will never be good enough; this is the ultimate control because they are forever in control.

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